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Showing posts from April, 2007

Little Miracles

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Today my pastor spoke on the topic of hell. The last time he talked about that I found myself really upset. In fact I sent an email to him expressing my struggle with the topic of heaven (and hell.) I was upset because I needed to reconcile with the existence of heaven. My mom loved me a lot. She was strong and courageous. She raised me on her own on a waitress’ salary. I didn’t have everything I wanted but I always had food to eat and clothes on my back. We were very close. We argued a lot because we were very different. My mom had been through a lot of things I just didn’t understand as a teenager and young adult. I can hardly blame her for being bitter. She didn’t know how else to survive. My mom got cancer when I was 17. She had surgery and although it was scary at the time that seemed to be the end of it. We moved on and then around the time I turned 22 she told me that she had found a lump in her other breast. She died 11 months later. Those were the bleakest most horrible times

Unanswered Prayer

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Last week our pastor taught about unanswered prayer at church. He asked how many people struggled with unanswered prayer. I put my hand up. There wasn’t a whole bunch of other people who put their hands up. He thanked those people who put their hands up for being honest. I was surprised not to see more hands. Shouldn’t all Christians struggle with unanswered prayer? The bible has many references that could be considered promises of affirmative answers to our prayers. And even without those I believe in a God who loves me. Wouldn’t any good father give a child what they asked for? Would a good father allow his children to suffer? I may sound angry. I am not angry at all right now. In fact I can’t really point to an unanswered prayer of mine that is particularly bothering me at the moment. I have been thinking a lot about faith and belief lately. I have struggled with prayer because I am afraid of unanswered prayer. I don’t want to ask for fear of not receiving. What kind of belief is th