To say the peace has been animated would be an understatement. I have been frustrated, disappointed, in awe of God’s glory, filled with joy, filled with grief, felt an urgency to act when I was helpless to do anything, been comforted to see real good in people, seeking wisdom in what to do, and in the end feeling like I needed a rest. There was an undercurrent of peace in all that. For I felt all the feelings but directed them at the One who could handle them. I asked for prayer when I needed it. I set some boundaries to allow myself to rest. I withdrew without isolating myself.
All of this happened without my really thinking about it. I have been frustrated for the past few months with the seeming lack of any change in my life. Now I know by looking back on the past couple of weeks that I am changed. I am full of gratitude for that.
Peace has been an elusive state for me. Perhaps it is because I have seen it to be like a lake on a windless day. But the clear glass-like state of a waveless lake would bother me after a while. There is no movement. I never thought that the world had to stop in order for me to find peace. I believed that I had to stop. I would have to stop having strong emotions about what was happening around me. I think that’s the part I had wrong. Perhaps peace isn’t about the absence of other feelings but the presence of something else.