Sunday, September 28, 2008

A Change Is As Good As A Rest


Today I was amazed at all of the changes in a very short time. I looked back to how I felt less than two months ago. I was upset, overwhelmed, and on vacation! I couldn’t believe how miserable I was. I had a lot of trouble enjoying my time off. I wouldn’t say it was exactly relaxing. I couldn’t understand why God wouldn’t deliver me. Today, during the worship in church, I understood.

My process to get to the place where I realized it was time to move happened during my vacation. And while I was totally overwhelmed on vacation I am at peace now. If you think about it, that’s a miracle. Moving is one of the most stressful things you can do. I am fortunate that all has gone smoothly so far. I feel really good and I am looking forward to the day I actually move.

I don’t know where the saying “A change is as good as a rest” comes from but I have been thinking about how true it is in this situation. I believe God has held my hand through all of this. The process of selling and buying was extremely stressful. I find that now that part as done, I feel new again. I am happy. I don’t deserve it. But I don’t not deserve it either. Thank you God for this time, and for being so patient with me.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Acceptance


Last night I was freaking out. Everything is going so well that I really can't handle it. Yes, I am a bit weird. I realized that deep down somewhere I don't think I deserve all that is happening. I have so much joy about my new home. I realize now that God was using everything in the summer to help bring me to this point.
I realized that I have trouble accepting God's blessing. He has led me to this new place. He has blessed me with a home where I really believe I will be very happy and comfortable. Yet there is a part of me that is having trouble accepting this blessing. I don't say this tritely but I clearly heard God say to me last night, "I am trying to bless you!" If frustration is an emotion we can ascribe to God I think that was what I heard in His voice. I have as much trouble accepting the good as the bad. Sometimes surrender is as much about allowing God to do his work in the good times as it is about accepting the bad circumstance. At least it seems that way for me.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Changes


If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. (Psalm 139:9-10)

It’s been a long time since I have posted. Life has been quite the whirlwind. The way I left my blog may give some the impression that things got much worse so I just stopped writing. In fact the opposite is true. Things have become much better.

Just over three weeks ago I decided to move. I did a lot of work around the house to prepare it to sell. On Monday I sold the house. Now I have to find a new place to live. The possession date for the house I am currently in is a little over a month away. Yet I have a sense of peace about it all.

I have been able to sense God’s presence through this whole process. It has been stressful and exhausting at times but it has also been really rewarding. I could even see God’s hand in the couple who purchased my house. They were looking for a house just like mine (there are very few houses like mine in the city.) They are thrilled and so am I.

Yesterday I had an awesome meeting at work. On the way home I started thinking about all of the changes and possibilities. I had the thought that maybe this is my year. Maybe this is the year I am going to look back on and say that this was a ‘summer’ season in my life. All of a sudden I got really scared. What if I was wrong? I have been hopeful and optimistic before…

As I calmed down I started to think about what exactly would make a year ‘my year’ anyway. Am I waiting for a year absent of trial? God doesn’t promise that. What He does promise is that He will find us where ever we go.

This past year has been one of the most challenging of my life (I think of life in terms of school years.) Yet this year has been the most abundant year of my life. I have seen meaning in the darkest of times. I have connected with people in new ways. I am starting to learn the art of inter-dependence. I am seeing in myself a greater capacity to love.

So as I embark in this new exciting time I learn to trust Him more and more.