Last weekend I gave a testimony at church. I shared some things with hundreds of people that I had never shared publically before. I was terrified. I had a knot in my stomach all week. I went through a bunch of scenarios in my head that included me having to find a new church after the old one pushed me out. I was needy, asking for reassurance from those I trusted. I did it anyway.
Why? I did it because I knew God was asking me to. I haven’t figured out what it means for others yet. I hope that I was part of a path for some to greater wholeness. I am not even sure what it means for me yet, except that none of my nightmare scenarios came true. I am blessed to be part of a wonderful community of people who warmly welcomed me to the ‘stage’.
In the past couple days I have had the opportunity to hear my pastor speak. Last night he spoke at an event our church is calling Revive. I have to say he pretty much never teaches what I think he will. Last night he taught that in order to find refreshment, we need to confess our sins. That resonated with me.
This morning I heard a lot about living out our faith and how it isn’t easy doing what God calls us to do. I experienced that last week. In many ways I am being asked to step out in faith and to make some difficult choices. God sent me some wonderful people to hold me up through it, but in the end I had to do it.
So here’s the thing… I find myself in a place where there are things I want to say but I don’t know exactly how to say them. I want to be careful not to alienate those people who are reading my blog. That said, over the past few years, I have learned something. In order to really have any level of an abundant life, I had to face those deepest darkest secrets. I had to confess my sin and allow Jesus to cleanse me of it. For if I continued to be ruled by those things, where is the hope in that?
And in order to continue to move forward I have to listen to God and go where He calls me. I am still not sure why He called me to be so vulnerable in front of so many people but I have to have faith that it will bear fruit.