Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Rubber Hits the Road

rubberLast weekend I gave a testimony at church.  I shared some things with hundreds of people that I had never shared publically before.  I was terrified.  I had a knot in my stomach all week.  I went through a bunch of scenarios in my head that included me having to find a new church after the old one pushed me out.  I was needy, asking for reassurance from those I trusted.  I did it anyway.

Why?  I did it because I knew God was asking me to.  I haven’t figured out what it means for others yet.  I hope that I was part of a path for some to greater wholeness.  I am not even sure what it means for me yet, except that none of my nightmare scenarios came true.  I am blessed to be part of a wonderful community of people who warmly welcomed me to the ‘stage’.

In the past couple days I have had the opportunity to hear my pastor speak.  Last night he spoke at an event our church is calling Revive.  I have to say he pretty much never teaches what I think he will.  Last night he taught that in order to find refreshment, we need to confess our sins.  That resonated with me.

This morning I heard a lot about living out our faith and how it isn’t easy doing what God calls us to do.  I experienced that last week.  In many ways I am being asked to step out in faith and to make some difficult choices.  God sent me some wonderful people to hold me up through it, but in the end I had to do it.

So here’s the thing…  I find myself in a place where there are things I want to say but I don’t know exactly how to say them.  I want to be careful not to alienate those people who are reading my blog.  That said, over the past few years, I have learned something.  In order to really have any level of an abundant life, I had to face those deepest darkest secrets.  I had to confess my sin and allow Jesus to cleanse me of it.  For if I continued to be ruled by those things, where is the hope in that?

And in order to continue to move forward I have to listen to God and go where He calls me.  I am still not sure why He called me to be so vulnerable in front of so many people but I have to have faith that it will bear fruit.