Saturday, April 21, 2012

Enough of Too Much

too many emailsThis morning I woke up and decided I have had enough.  I am sick of feeling yucky all of the time.  I want to feel better and I know that in order to do that, I need to start making healthier food choices.  I knew this day would come.

A few weeks ago I started exercising.  This is generally a first step for me.  Now this morning I decided to face the scale.  I have gained weight -- a lot of weight.  So enough.  It is time to start making better choices and tracking my food again.  Today I started tracking again.  It feels good.

Interestingly, I also decided I was sick of getting so many emails from the various companies I have given my email address to for whatever reason.  I unsubscribed from at least ten lists.  Then I cleaned my apartment (okay that’s probably because I have people coming over tomorrow.)  I feel like I can breathe all of a sudden.  Like I have more space.  I used to get about 20 emails a day.  Today I got two and unsubscribed from their lists too.

Getting rid of clutter seems symbolic of what I am doing today.  I am not going to beat myself up.  That would just add to the clutter.  I am going to give myself room to focus on things that matter.

Friday, April 06, 2012

Some Stories Deserve A Pause

cocubine-door-pic2I am behind on my devotions this week.  I decided to catch up this morning.  I read Judges 19 and I had to stop.  What just happened?  I spent a few minutes looking for bible commentaries that would help me understand the passage better.  For several more minutes I have just been sitting here trying to absorb the story.

Here is my version:  man has a fight with his wife, she takes off for several months, man decides that he still loves her and goes after her, they decide to reconcile, hang out at the in-laws for a few days, they go off and get stuck in a bad city, stay at some guys house where they are threatened by some locals, man panics and throws his wife out to the locals, they rape her all night, she crawls back to the door where the man is staying, he opens the door and discovers she has died, he cuts her up into twelve pieces and sends her out to the tribes of Israel saying no worse crime has ever been committed.

What a sad and difficult story.  In my research I determined that some translations say that she cheated on him.  I agree with the commentaries that say it is unlikely given the culture.  He would have just had her stoned.  Yet I think that is part of what makes me sad.  Did that make it easier for the translators to accept that this man just threw her to the wolves?  Did calling her a concubine as opposed to a wife make it better? I imagine the agony of the woman and it fills me with grief.  At the same time I am angry with the husband.  What does the man have to complain about when he threw her out there?  And who cuts up their wife into 12 pieces?

The raw yucky-ness of this story makes me think of the cross.  For me, the fate of the concubine is on of the most horrible things I can think about.  Just like the cross.

Monday, April 02, 2012

The Process of Blogging

Last night I had the opportunity to meet with some people who blog, want to blog, read blogs, basically all about the art of blogging.  I lamented on how I didn’t have things that I could share publically.  Either they are not suitable for public viewing or I don’t have enough perspective to blog about them.  A good friend reminded me that there is always something I CAN share. 

I realized that in the past when I had an assignment or a deadline, I would notice things and I would write about them.  I miss that.  I miss noticing things.

I can’t commit to blogging every day.  I can commit to noticing.  So I am going to experiment with trying to notice something every day.  Who knows what I will come up with.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Trying New Things

trxThe week I joined a yoga studio for a two week unlimited trial.  What attracted me to it was mainly TRX.  For those who are not familiar with TRX suspension training, it was developed for Navy Seals in the field.  Basically there are two bands that can be anchored to anything sturdy.  You use your own body weight while you hold onto the handles to do squats and lunges etc. 

I was really glad to have a friend along with me the first time I went.  It was a very challenging workout for me.  I spent most of the week feeling sore but I went a total of three times last week.  I also went to yoga twice.  The first one was called PhysioLogic Lower Back Pain.  It combines physiotherapy and yoga techniques to help address lower back issues.  I really enjoyed it.  The second was Introduction to Yoga on The Wall.  It was crazy.  You end up with a band around your hips, your feet on the wall suspended in the air.  That said, I think I might do it again.


Why am I trying new things?  For the past two months I have not been working out.  I have been working long hours and when I came home I was just too tired to work out.  I tried to get back to my original schedule where I would be home just after four and I could work out, eat, and have the evening to do what I wanted or needed to do.  I haven’t been able to make that work.

So I am adjusting.  I know that everyone gets excited when I run.  I get excited about running but it just isn’t working for me right now.  So I am trying new things.  I am shaking up my schedule because trying to get back to where I was isn’t working.  Now, I need to figure out how to make healthier choices with food again.  One step at a time.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

When There is Nothing to Say

Late in the year I had resolved to post more often.  My last post was January 20th.  I didn't realize it had been so long.  There are times when I just don't have a coherent thought to post.  I need time to be able to look at my life in retrospect.  I am not there yet.  That said, I am re-engaging the exciting things that make life more interesting.  Tomorrow I start a two week trial at a yoga studio less than a block away from where I work.  I want to try yoga again but what really attracted me to the studio was that they have a TRX studio.  I am both excited and intimidated by the prospect.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Why You Shouldn’t Do Daily Devo’s

bible studyAt the beginning of the year, I committed to doing the daily devotion guide that was handed out at our church around Christmas time.  There is a significant amount of reading each morning.  I found it tough to get up early and do it.  Yet as time has gone on I have found that I have settled into a rhythm.  It actually feels like the normal thing to do.

I am not a very patient person.  I wanted to feel like I was getting a message from God every morning.  I wanted to understand something new and be able to quote something I learned on my blog.  I wanted to ponder God’s word and feel wiser.  That hasn’t happened.

Here is what I have noticed.  I have this increasing awareness of my flaws and my broken state.  I can’t link this to a specific scripture I have read.  I just know that I am hyper-aware of all of the sin, failings, and empty places.  I am aware of the dreams I had and have somehow abandoned.  I am aware of the woman I said I wanted to be but I am not.  It really sucks.

I am kidding (sort of) when I say you shouldn’t do daily devo’s.  I know that this is a time of growth for me.  I am not completely miserable.  I don’t hate myself.  I am just aware.  I know that this awareness will turn into fruit eventually. 

Sunday, January 08, 2012

If God Were Walking Beside Me

This week has been really hard.  Getting up early every morning to do devotions is not easy.  Add to that, I joined a challenge to work out 2012 minutes this month which is just over an hour a day.  So getting up early and working out more has made me very tired.  The devotions haven’t been immediately fulfilling.  I thought I would have a take away every day or at least most days.  That hasn’t happened for me.

I am hoping that the devotional discipline will be like working out.  When I first started working out it was awkward and unnatural.  I kept on because I had been given a program to follow. Eventually working out became more natural and I feel like something is missing when I don’t do it. I don’t always enjoy exercise, but I know it is something I need to do. In this case I am also following a reading plan.  I am pondering the devotional thought each day along with many others from my church community.  My hope is that it will become as engrained in me as exercise has.

One day the devotional thought was ‘what would you do if you God were walking beside you?’  Yes I know ‘God is with me’ but actually physically there?  I don’t know.  The question is overwhelming.  That said it is a question I want to ponder and live by.  Seems almost better than the good old ‘What would Jesus do?’