Fair Weather

-

Usually this time of year I start feeling anxious. I wonder if I will be able to cope with the demands of a fall and winter schedule. This year is different. I am excited about re-engaging community. I can’t wait to see what God has for me.

As I have been pondering this, a frightening thought has come to mind. What happens when the weather changes? What happens if I get depressed? How will I deal with that?

I don’t think that depression is something I have ever directly admitted on my blog. I have struggled with depression on and off since I was a teenager. One particularly bad winter I spent several months sleeping on the floor instead of my bed. It went undiagnosed until one year in my mid-twenties a friend of mine who is a nurse said she thought I was depressed.

I have struggled with being a Christian who has depression. There are many in Christian circles who think it is a sin to be depressed – a form of bondage. They think that depression is always some sort of spiritual flaw and that the depressed person just needs to believe more or differently. The terrible thing is that I can be my own worst enemy in this area.

About eighteen months ago I decided I was cured from depression. I believed that I had found the ‘spiritual formula' to stay out of it. So last fall when I recognized that I was depressed, it shattered my faith. I started going to church infrequently and then stopped going all-together for three months. I was caught up in sin and miserable.

I so want this year to be different. Typically around October or November I start struggling with depression to some degree. I AM going to pray for God to shield me from depression. Someone once advised me that instead of focusing all of my energy trying to get out of or avoid depression I need to figure out how to cope with it. Many of the things I figured out then are still helpful today. Yet I think God has more for me and there are more things I need when I am depressed. Maybe the beginning is naming it, and being honest now – while I have a surplus of emotional energy.

Comments

She said…
I'll pray for you, too, Misty. :)
1:36 PM
Anonymous said…
I am sure you know it is probably caused by the lack of light. Your doctor should be able to give you a light machine (or you can buy one on the internet).

Even down here, I had the same problem in the winter. I thought the light helped a lot.

My thoughts are with you.
3:36 PM
Anonymous said…
Misty, there can be a lot of causes, and it isn't a sign of weakness.

I have been overcoming mine since the spring with a combination of mild medication, counselling, and making changes to my routine. I know my hormones were largely resonsible. Keep looking for the path out!

My journey was long and sporadic, and finally I had the strength to admit it to my doctor! Finally I'm finding the path to balance.
11:20 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Jillian Michaels - Maximize Your Life

-
I was really excited when I heard Jillian Michaels was coming to Winnipeg.  If you don't know who Jillian Michaels she is the trainer that is known for being on the Biggest Loser.  Jillian's contestants are often the winners of the Biggest Loser (as was the case this year with a contestant who had everything against her in the beginning.)  The reason I like Jillian is not because of her training skills.  It is because she has an ability to get to the heart of a contestant and figure out what it is that is getting in the way of their goals. When she came on stage see was instantly endearing.  She swapped her high heels for flip flops saying that she felt like she had done her duty by coming out in them.  She broke down what she was going to talk about - nutrition, working out, mind.  She was real about the fact that many of the people who came to see her, wanted to know how to lose weight so she spent the first hour talking about it.  The second ...
Read more

New Years Resolutions

-
Image
I have had some time to reflect on 2010.  As I said in my Christmas letter it was a good year overall.  I want 2011 to be a good year too.  I remember that 2010 started well (or maybe 2009 ended well.)  I have to admit that I have had some challenges the past couple of months.  The last two weeks at work were tumultuous.  I don’t want to live in crisis.  I don’t want to just survive.  So given where I am at now, what can I do to enter this year with a sense of optimism? First, I remember all that I did in 2010.  I know that I can do more than I am .  I was inspired by a blog I follow to write some resolutions.  I was inspired because I saw what she had accomplished.  I remembered that I accomplished things too.  And I think that it will be wonderful to reflect on what I have done.  Oh I was also comforted by the fact that some of the 2010 goals ended up on her 2011 list again.  So here we go: 1.  Run a 5...
Read more

Mother's Day 2009

-
I need to acknowledge my grief today but I am afraid to. For a few months I have been living in this fragile equilibrium. I am living on the surface – not wanting to go too deep. Now it’s the Friday before Mother’s Day. Part of me just wants to let numbness set in. I could just go to sleep, forget about it for a while. But I know it would just come back in the morning. I was thinking the other day about what I would buy my Mom this year if she were alive. It would be cool to spoil her on Sunday. She would chastise me for spending so much. We would pretend to argue. Secretly she would be thrilled and I would see her using whatever her gift was over and over. She would talk to her friends about what I gave her. My Mom would be proud of me – I hope. I can’t say that she would agree with all of my choices. My Mom didn’t believe in God. She would tease me about being a Bible Thumper, going to hang out with the other Bible Thumpers. But I think she would see it made me happy. ...
Read more