Unforced Rhythms of Grace

The other day when I got off the bus I noticed a teenager standing outside. It was about 3 degrees outside and it was windy and raining a little bit. He was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. Then I looked over several feet across from him and a woman was standing there wearing ski mitts, a toque with ear covers, and a parka. As I chuckled to myself at the contrast it occurred to me that seemed to be a metaphor for the ways people handle pain. Like the teenager, some people stand there stoically. They either deny that anything is going on or that acknowledge something is going on but act as a pillar of strength. Others hide and bundle up. They protect themselves from everyone and everything. Their life is about whatever bad thing has happened to them. I have been at both ends of the spectrum. Sometimes I live my life as if nothing is wrong. If I can’t hide that something bad has happened I use the opportunity to demonstrate my strength. Other times I just hide myself away. I don’t want to ...

Shades of grey Everything is not the same Nothing ever changes Every decision too hard Nothing matters Shades of grey The tears never come Stuck in ineffable feelings It isn’t real Nothing is more real The fog surrounds The tears never come You said You would always be there I am alone Spoken words met with silence No arms holding No hand to reach out You said You would always be there

The day I wrote my last post I opened my prayer journal. The date on the last entry said August 8th. That meant it had been almost a month since I had any dedicated prayer time. It was a huge wake up call. How could I expect to be spiritually alive if I didn’t live spiritually? So I started praying and guess what? Things haven’t really become much better in terms of life circumstances. In fact a few things got a little bit worse. But I am working on being more consistent in my prayer life. So is my praying changing anything? Well I will say that I haven’t had any profound answers to prayer. Or at least I can’t link anything that has happened lately directly to things I have been praying about. I have had miraculous answers to prayer before. I believe that God does answer prayer and intervenes in our daily lives. So what happens when I can’t see anything changing as a result of my prayer? What I have noticed is that God has given me just enough over the past couple of weeks ...

Normally I write about some kind of insight I have had. I try to write about stuff that I think will be helpful for others. I don’t generally use my blog as a journal as much as I use it as a way to express what I have learned and think will speak into other’s hearts. I am not trying to be arrogant about it. That is just what I have chosen to do. I have lots of ideas of what I could write about today but I don’t feel like writing about any of them. Frankly I feel like if I post about anything other than where I am at right now I will be full of shit. If I wait until I feel better who knows when I will post again. So here I am. No big wisdom. No neat package. Just me feeling like I need to be real about where I am at. As the summer has moved on I have struggled. This is not an unusual thing for me. I often feel like this at the end of the summer. Work has been absolutely crazy. I am gearing up for ministry in the fall and that just seems overwhelming. I don’t feel like going to church. ...