Unforced Rhythms of Grace

Today I was driving home from a retreat. It was very sunny and not all that cold but the wind created treacherous conditions. Snow drifted across the road and collected there. Parts of the highway were quite slippery where the snow had partially melted and frozen again. The worst part was the visibility. There were some points it was very hard to see. At one particular section I ended up slowing down to about 50 km/hr in order to even stay on the road. As I thought about that experience I reflected on the earlier part of the day and even the rest of the weekend. A retreat is really about slowing down isn’t it? As the retreat went on I felt a growing sense of unease and a vague sense of sadness though. I couldn’t understand what was going on. The interesting thing is that I was surrounded with people who would listen to me if I could articulate what was going on. But I just didn’t understand where my emotions were coming from. We did an activity where we were asked to find a sacred spac...

Words stuck in my throat The shame, the sin, the pain Somehow they keep life out Keep love out Keep love in The words seep out The shame, the sin, the pain Somehow the breath of life comes in Love pours in Love overflows There is grace in truth The freedom, the joy, the peace God’s mercy abounds A promise made A promise kept

The first time I went to church I was in a car accident about half a block away from the church. I made a left turn and a Jeep I hadn’t seen smashed right into me. There was $12,000 to my car. I had a rental car for over three weeks. The frame was bent. The guy at the auto body shop asked me if I was sure I was okay when he saw the damage to my car. I didn’t go back to church for quite a while. Although I didn’t really have a strong faith I knew intuitively I was in a spiritual battle. I wasn’t prepared to fight it so I didn’t go back until the summer when a friend convinced me to go. She offered to pray a prayer of protection over me. I even remember finding comfort in that. So that was the beginning of my Christian journey. I spent a long time going to that church before I attempting taking the same route I did when I was in the accident. It was something small and not horribly inconvenient but God wanted to claim that back. So the day I was baptized I heard God say that he wanted ...

The Spirit is God’s guarantee that he will give us everything he promised and that he has purchased us to be his own people. This is just one more reason for us to praise our glorious God. (Ephesians 1:14) I was reading Ephesians 1 today and I stopped at this passage. The Holy Spirit is God’s guarantee. What could that mean? Interestingly I have read this passage more than a dozen times. I never noticed it before today. I am not sure why. In the spring I was studying Ephesians. I even wrote a few blog posts on it. The guarantee that is being referred to is like a down payment on a loan. God is using the Holy Spirit to show us a piece of our inheritance. So feeling lead by the Spirit or all of the other ways we experience God here on earth is only a small portion of our true inheritance. What a powerful metaphor!

The beginning of this year has been a roller coaster ride. Usually that has a negative connotation and I have to admit that I do find it exhausting. Yet if you think about it when you are riding a roller coaster you are held in securely. You go up and down and even upside down and you are held securely. In hindsight I have noticed a change in the way I handle things. I noticed that I tend to be less likely to carry shame (or at least more likely to notice that it is getting in my way and push through it.) I used to think that if something went wrong I was somehow responsible. If I was responsible I thought that I should try to handle things myself. Somehow without my knowing that is changing. I have also noticed that I tend to go to God with my emotions more quickly. Although I can’t claim that I leave all my troubles at the cross I can say that I find myself at the cross often. I used to not even understand what that meant. In some ways the language Christians use make things more dif...

If you read my Christmas letter you know I alluded to being affected by a friend who had been through two profound losses one after another. My friend had twins in the summer. Six weeks later one of the twins, a boy, was diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Athophy. He passed away on November 27th of last year. A week after his funeral they discovered their daughter (the other twin) had the same disease. She passed away on January 12th of this year. My friend has chosen to share her powerful story in her blog. Although the story is sad it is also full of God's grace and an abundance of hope. She has started her testimony and will continue to post as she is able. Click here to see the beginning of her story . The link is also in my website list on the left (Nicholas gift, Olivia's hope.)

Today my pastor taught on peace. I was shocked to find that I actually identify with what he was describing. I mean I feel it today. I was shocked because even though what he was saying resonated with me the last two weeks have been filled with turmoil. It’s not like I have been sitting in the middle of it with my legs crossed and thumb and middle finger pinched together in a serene state of meditation. Yet somehow I could say I have had peace through it all. To say the peace has been animated would be an understatement. I have been frustrated, disappointed, in awe of God’s glory, filled with joy, filled with grief, felt an urgency to act when I was helpless to do anything, been comforted to see real good in people, seeking wisdom in what to do, and in the end feeling like I needed a rest. There was an undercurrent of peace in all that. For I felt all the feelings but directed them at the One who could handle them. I asked for prayer when I needed it. I set some boundaries to...