Sunday, June 04, 2006
Lately things have been going really well for me. After I realized that I needed to be changed about a month ago, things have been changing at a fast pace. I know that I can’t change myself. God is doing his work in me. I see things completely differently.
This is a huge contrast to how I have been feeling the past couple of years. Everything was a struggle. I couldn’t figure out why my spiritual life seemed like it was lost to me. Whatever I tried didn’t seem to work. I was fairly unhappy most of the time. I felt like a part of me was dead. Now I have come alive again.
I know how I came alive but what I don’t really understand is how I got to where I was. How did I allow that to happen? Are there ways I can stop it from happening again? I know that bad stuff happens but I don’t think that means that I have to struggle spiritually the way I was for so long.
In my bathroom I have a light fixture over the vanity with four bulbs. Today I replaced three of them. I was taking a bath looking up at the bulbs thinking about how it got so far. In terms of bulbs it seems to go the same way every time. When the first bulb burns out I barely notice. There is no perceptible difference in the amount of light in the bathroom. In fact I never notice until I am taking a bath. I vaguely think about changing the light bulb but when I am somewhere that sells these types of light bulbs I don’t bother. I wait for the next one to burn out.
Then the second one goes out. There must be a change in the amount of light but since I have been living with three bulbs for a while I don’t notice. Now when I sit in the bathtub the two bulbs lights that are burned out really bug me. I stop where the light bulbs are but since it has been so long since I purchased one I can’t remember what kind to buy. Yesterday the third one went out.
I could notice the difference of only having one bulb as soon as I walked into the bathroom. I knew it was urgent that I purchase some light bulbs or it would be pretty dark in the bathroom soon. I went to the store today and purchased six light bulbs. Now when the next one goes and the two after that I will be prepared.
I wonder if I take care of my spiritual life the same way I take care of the light bulbs over my vanity. I think that I could do a better job of paying attention. Perhaps I could do the spiritual equivalent of checking the light bulbs from the bath. And if one of my spiritual light bulbs goes out I need to practice the same urgency to address that as I did today when the third one went out. I am not sure what the spiritual equivalent to having an extra three light bulbs in my cupboard is but I pray that God will show me that.