Unforced Rhythms of Grace

(James 1: 9-11) Christians who are poor should be glad, for God has honored them. And those who are rich should be glad, for God has humbled them. They will fade away like a flower in the field. The hot sun rises and dries up the grass; the flower withers, and its beauty fades away. So also, wealthy people will fade away with all of their achievements. I am grateful for the people in my life that allow me to be who I am. They are there for me when I am suffering. I think without those people I would not be able to continue on this journey I am on. I pray that I can be as loving as they are to me. Yet I also know that when people ask me how I am I find myself afraid to tell the truth. Not to those close to me necessarily but to those I don’t know as well or those I know will judge me. It seems like if I say I am experiencing pain some people attribute that to some lack in my faith. I don’t know if that is what people intend to convey. Perhaps they are just trying to be helpful. ...

My mother passed away on November 20th, 1995. I remember November 20th, 1996 quite clearly. I was still in school. The loss of my mother was still quite acute in my mind. In some ways my mother’s death defined me at school. It is unusual for a young woman of 22 to lose their mother. My peers were ill equipped to walk with me through my pain. I don’t think I knew anyone else who had experienced the death of someone so close. I did have some very good friends who knew the day was coming. One friend in particular wanted to make sure I wasn’t alone. We went to Applebee’s for dinner. It was kind of surreal. It turned out that thinking about the date was much worse than the actual day. Still I was glad that my friend and I had planned dinner. The anticipation of spending that evening alone would have been too much to bear. After I left school things changed. Many of the people who were in my life at the time were no longer part of my inner circle. For those who are still in my...

James 1:5-8 (NLT) If you need wisdom—if you want to know what God wants you to do—ask him, and he will gladly tell you. He will not resent your asking. [6] But when you ask him, be sure that you really expect him to answer, for a doubtful mind is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. [7] People like that should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. [8] They can't make up their minds. They waver back and forth in everything they do. James has just put trials into perspective. They help build us and shape our character. If we are going to get through trials and live well we need to know what to do. We need wisdom. The American Heritage Dictionary defines wisdom as “The ability to discern or judge what is true, right, or lasting; insight.” Wisdom gives us the ability to figure out what to do. Wisdom is not the same as the answer. When I look up the Scripture references that use the same Greek word they all indicate a more general t...

James 1:2-4 (NLT) Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. [3] For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. [4] So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything. When I first became a Christian I held onto this verse. In fact it is probably the reason I read the rest of the book. It made my life make sense in some way. I put a premium on being strong and tough. It made a lot of sense for someone who described herself as coming from the ‘school of hard knocks.’ (Actually I don’t think I ever used that term out-loud. It was more of an internalized attitude.) As I began to live out my life as a Christian and come across more ‘trouble’ I would encounter Christians who would throw out this passage rather than attempt to empathize. I could go into a long rant about why I think people shouldn't just quote Scripture in an answer to pain but that woul...

In the past few months I have woken up a lot in the middle of the night and been unable to get back to sleep. It seems like my mind races and won’t settle back down for me to relax. I have figured out recently to read the Bible. It calms my mind. Oddly it also seems like whatever I have read sticks with me. I don’t know if God is waking me up to read the Bible. I don’t think so. It is just a natural part of having the pain from an injury. A couple nights ago during such an episode I read the Book of James in the Bible. James is a book that is often pointed to as a ‘how-to-manual’ for Christians. Although I would never describe the Bible in it’s entirety as a how-to-manual for life as some Christians do we have reasons to think that much of the book of James is prescriptive. The book of James is one of the earliest letters. It was written only 20 years or so after Jesus’ resurrection. The Christians were scattered. Without an organized church they really didn’t know what t...

I have a programmable digital thermostat. It works well except when I happen to be home on a weekday. Then I have to manually override the temperature. Usually my target temperature is 20º. There is something weird about my thermostat. No matter what I do the thermostat seems to go from 19º to 21º. It is the strangest thing! I have been home more lately. I have discovered that if I go up to 21º, I can easily come back down to 20º. It seems like my thermostat needs to go past the perfect room temperature and correct. I am like that. Except I go from the equivalent of -10º to 30º before realize I need to be at 20º. There are so many areas of my life where the pendulum seems to swing back and forth. No matter what I do, I always seem to go too far. I wonder if part of that is natural. If we need to go past the point of perfection so we can have perspective. We need to see the perfect point of balance from the other side. I am pretty sure that the perfect balance is something only God can ...

Wow I can’t believe it has been more than a month since I last posted! I have thought about posting quite often but my thoughts seemed too abstract. I find myself in a season of growth but also of confusion. I have so many questions and not so many answers. Nothing seems like it used to right now. Everything is different. I find myself in a very lonely place because even if I answer the ‘How are you?’ question honestly I don’t know what to say. So I just say I am okay or I recount the status on my injuries (yes I am now limping in addition to the tear in my wrist.) But I am NOT OKAY! I am tormented. I am also great. Both of those things seem to be going on for me in the same week. Sometimes I experience both extremes in the same moment. I have been thinking about so many things. One of which is how much attention one should pay to spiritual warfare. I learned a long time ago that paying too much attention to what the devil is doing is merely a distraction to looking for God. Yet the sp...