Sunday, July 13, 2008


Somehow I grew up to believe that my job was to survive life. I saw my life as a series of trials to get through punctuated (hopefully short sentences) with some good times. I had good reason to believe that. It seemed that I had more than my share of heartache and loss by the time I was twenty two. I wanted something better but the life of abundance seemed to be something others had.

If you live with those assumptions, it isn’t a far stretch to believe that it would be best to get through the crisis and loss with the least amount of emotion possible. What would be the point of feeling all of that deeply? In some ways it doesn’t make sense to engage deep emotion if you don’t believe in God. If you don’t believe in God there is no anchor, no refuge, no safe harbor, and no safety net.

I decided not long after I became a Christian that one of the ways I wanted to live differently was to feel more deeply. Believing in God gave me the courage to do that. Slowly I came out of numbness. It hasn’t been easy but it is better.

1 comment:

bluebunny said...

oh wow, what a neat way to look at it! your first paragraph completely describes where I spent a large part of my life! It's not easy coming out of numbness, and the pain can seem overwhelming, but your post reminded me of the need to thank God for it all, to thank Him that he feels we are strong enough to bear it & for whatever the hard times are preparing us for or allowing to be done ....