Perhaps this is not some defect of my mind or my spiritual maturity. Mid-week last week I resolved to be happy. That worked for a bit but then a fairly significant problem with the house sale/new condo purchase came up on Thursday. This whole process has been teaching me to trust. I am not only trusting God in a general way but trusting that I am able to discern His guidance. That has been constantly attacked.
So I sent out a note to my friends and prayed myself as well. And God provided. I am also learning that perhaps it is not that I am unable to trust. I don’t talk about this very often on my blog but there is an enemy of our soul. I have worked so hard to try and become more emotionally mature. I have sought God. I have grown a lot. I know I am a different person than I was even this time last year.
But no matter how hard I try I still have these thoughts sometimes. And I am beginning to realize that maybe at this point the battle isn’t with my mind so much as with the lies I am being told. Perhaps the biggest lie is that I am somehow defective and it is impossible for me to be happy. I AM happy dam-it