The thing about ghosts is that they keep you stuck in the past. That is why this young woman wants to get rid of her ghost. What I am noticing is that everyone around her knows something is wrong but she doesn’t want to tell anyone. She won’t talk about her ghost or her feelings.
Some days I wonder how God expects me to move forward, never mind live abundantly. November is a month that I generally struggle in. I have been fighting the feeling the past several days. I just need to acknowledge that I am a little bit sad. Maybe that is why I have this feeling of being stuck. I have things I need to deal with but have not.
Whenever I have a major change I start to miss my Mom. She is not here to share in seeing the newness of the new place. I think about the empty place where she should be. I think about all the things I wish I would have said. I know she would be so proud of me, my job, my new place. She would celebrate my new appliances with me when they come.
As I begin to make Christmas arrangements part of me feels like I am betraying her. Christmas without my Mom just never feels right. Perhaps that is why I always end up putting it off. November 20th is the anniversary of her passing. Somehow I feel like I can't engage the busyness of Christmas before that date.
So maybe it’s okay to just be for a while. I have been so blessed by God in the past few months I almost feel guilty asking. But Father will you come into that place where I feel empty?