Today is the anniversary of the day my Mom passed away. It is sunny outside today but the ground is covered in a blanket of fresh snow – the first major snowfall of the year. I went out for a short run this morning and now I am sitting in Starbucks with a Venti Skinny Peppermint Mocha. I have to admit that I don’t know how to feel about the day.
Generally I spend a lot of time dreading the date. I have been down lately and I have attributed it to what my friend refers to as body memories. Even if I am not thinking about it, my body knows it is coming. That said, I haven’t been dreading today. It wasn’t the first thing I thought about when I woke up.
I do have a sense of sadness. I am wondering what my Mom would think about me right now. I have been making so many positive changes in my life for my health. Those things were important to my Mom. Would she be proud of me for being committed enough to run outside in the snow and cold weather?
I remember the day that she passed away. I remember my sister in law coming to my door and giving me the news. It wasn’t sunny that day. At least that’s how I remember it. All I said was, “I’ll get my purse.” It was a strange numb response that came out of a broken place.
So many things have changed for me in the sixteen years since my Mom passed away. I have graduated from university. I have a career, a great condo, a nice car, lots of fantastic friends, and most importantly I asked Jesus to come into my life over 11 years ago. Besides the more recent health changes, I am no longer that young woman who lives in a numb fog. My life is abundant. Sometimes that abundance means that I am both sad about losing my Mom and happy about a beautiful winter day with a nice run and a trip to Starbucks for a holiday drink.