Unforced Rhythms of Grace

This morning I woke up and decided I have had enough.  I am sick of feeling yucky all of the time.  I want to feel better and I know that in order to do that, I need to start making healthier food choices.  I knew this day would come. A few weeks ago I started exercising.  This is generally a first step for me.  Now this morning I decided to face the scale.  I have gained weight -- a lot of weight.  So enough.  It is time to start making better choices and tracking my food again.  Today I started tracking again.  It feels good. Interestingly, I also decided I was sick of getting so many emails from the various companies I have given my email address to for whatever reason.  I unsubscribed from at least ten lists.  Then I cleaned my apartment (okay that’s probably because I have people coming over tomorrow.)  I feel like I can breathe all of a sudden.  Like I have more space.  I used to get about 20 emails a day...

I am behind on my devotions this week.  I decided to catch up this morning.  I read Judges 19 and I had to stop.  What just happened?   I spent a few minutes looking for bible commentaries that would help me understand the passage better.  For several more minutes I have just been sitting here trying to absorb the story. Here is my version:  man has a fight with his wife, she takes off for several months, man decides that he still loves her and goes after her, they decide to reconcile, hang out at the in-laws for a few days, they go off and get stuck in a bad city, stay at some guys house where they are threatened by some locals, man panics and throws his wife out to the locals, they rape her all night, she crawls back to the door where the man is staying, he opens the door and discovers she has died, he cuts her up into twelve pieces and sends her out to the tribes of Israel saying no worse crime has ever been committed. What a sad and difficult story....

Last night I had the opportunity to meet with some people who blog, want to blog, read blogs, basically all about the art of blogging.  I lamented on how I didn’t have things that I could share publically.  Either they are not suitable for public viewing or I don’t have enough perspective to blog about them.  A good friend reminded me that there is always something I CAN share.  I realized that in the past when I had an assignment or a deadline, I would notice things and I would write about them.  I miss that.  I miss noticing things. I can’t commit to blogging every day.  I can commit to noticing.  So I am going to experiment with trying to notice something every day.  Who knows what I will come up with.

The week I joined a yoga studio for a two week unlimited trial.  What attracted me to it was mainly TRX.  For those who are not familiar with TRX suspension training, it was developed for Navy Seals in the field.  Basically there are two bands that can be anchored to anything sturdy.  You use your own body weight while you hold onto the handles to do squats and lunges etc.  I was really glad to have a friend along with me the first time I went.  It was a very challenging workout for me.  I spent most of the week feeling sore but I went a total of three times last week.  I also went to yoga twice.  The first one was called PhysioLogic Lower Back Pain.  It combines physiotherapy and yoga techniques to help address lower back issues.  I really enjoyed it.  The second was Introduction to Yoga on The Wall.  It was crazy.  You end up with a band around your hips, your feet on the wall suspended in the air.  That said,...

Late in the year I had resolved to post more often.  My last post was January 20th.  I didn't realize it had been so long.  There are times when I just don't have a coherent thought to post.  I need time to be able to look at my life in retrospect.  I am not there yet.  That said, I am re-engaging the exciting things that make life more interesting.  Tomorrow I start a two week trial at a yoga studio less than a block away from where I work.  I want to try yoga again but what really attracted me to the studio was that they have a TRX studio.  I am both excited and intimidated by the prospect.

At the beginning of the year, I committed to doing the daily devotion guide that was handed out at our church around Christmas time.  There is a significant amount of reading each morning.  I found it tough to get up early and do it.  Yet as time has gone on I have found that I have settled into a rhythm.  It actually feels like the normal thing to do. I am not a very patient person.  I wanted to feel like I was getting a message from God every morning.  I wanted to understand something new and be able to quote something I learned on my blog.  I wanted to ponder God’s word and feel wiser.  That hasn’t happened. Here is what I have noticed.  I have this increasing awareness of my flaws and my broken state.  I can’t link this to a specific scripture I have read.  I just know that I am hyper-aware of all of the sin, failings, and empty places.  I am aware of the dreams I had and have somehow abandoned.  I am aware of the wo...

This week has been really hard.  Getting up early every morning to do devotions is not easy.  Add to that, I joined a challenge to work out 2012 minutes this month which is just over an hour a day.  So getting up early and working out more has made me very tired.  The devotions haven’t been immediately fulfilling.  I thought I would have a take away every day or at least most days.  That hasn’t happened for me. I am hoping that the devotional discipline will be like working out.  When I first started working out it was awkward and unnatural.  I kept on because I had been given a program to follow. Eventually working out became more natural and I feel like something is missing when I don’t do it. I don’t always enjoy exercise, but I know it is something I need to do. In this case I am also following a reading plan.  I am pondering the devotional thought each day along with many others from my church community.  My hope is that it will be...