Saturday, August 02, 2008

Turned


Thursday during our church gathering I was reminded about something that happened in December. I haven’t discussed it with very many people. I came to the point just before Christmas where I gave up on my faith. I didn’t stop believing in God. I stopped believing God.

The consequences of that decision were dramatic and very quick. I came to believe that the fight wasn’t good. I gave up. Suddenly I found myself plunged into a very dark place. I used to be very comfortable there. I was surprised to find myself desperate to get out. So I grabbed my Bible and looked up something in the guide about being far from God.

I read Jeremiah 2:22 which says:

"No amount of soap or lye can make you clean. You are stained with guilt that cannot be washed away." I, the sovereign LORD, have spoken.

Wow that’s harsh…. I looked up the reference again. I was reading the wrong chapter. Jeremiah 3:22 says:

“My way ward children” says the LORD, “come back to me, and I will heal your wayward hearts.”

Besides being a huge relief I was glad that I had read the wrong verse first. I could not cleanse myself. I couldn’t fix it. But my God was there waiting for me. I just needed to turn back to Him. I am so grateful that my faith doesn’t depend solely on my consistent belief in God’s promise. And in many ways God did heal my heart, slowly and gently.

So why was I thinking about that this on Thursday. One of the things our pastor touched on resonated with the experience in December. Yet it also resonated with my experience today. I am not actively angry. I haven’t “turned from God” like I did in December. Yet in some ways I feel my compass is off. I am apathetic. In some ways I think that is harder to deal with than the active anger.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

hi misty' i just am amazed at HOW GodI sends us a message!!! today i was once aagain wallowing ing MY GUILT!!! ofcourse, when i read your post aboout SOAP AND LYE AND NOT EVER BEING ABLE TO BE CLEAN i thought the same thing HARSH. talk about putting the right people in your life at the right time . LOVE YOUR POST THANKS FOR SHARINIT WITH ME (I wish i could write like you)I am on my way back to the LORD and iam seeing that is a road well travelled. It fells good to know that i am never alone and there is always omeone to hold hands with. today YOU are my gift from God. Love Lesley