The thing is that there are many other topics I could talk about but for some reason I keep coming back to this. I made the excuse that people were probably sick of hearing about the appendectomy. I mean seriously. It is only an appendectomy. The problem is that I don’t have much else going on. So what else can I post about?
I don’t have any big secret that I am holding close to my chest. However some of the truth about this experience has been so raw that I have been scared to even think about it – never mind write about it. I also have a tendency to want to spiritualize everything. I want to be able to talk about my experience of God, finding God in new places. And I did find God. I just can’t put it all in a neat package.
One of the truths I have glossed over is that I knew in my heart that there was something really wrong. God prompted me to go to the hospital the day before I did. When I went to sleep I made sure I had a phone close by. I left the door unlocked so help would be able to get to me. I hoped I was wrong. I didn’t trust that voice inside my head that told me I needed help. I put up with a lot of pain for a day and a half praying that God would remove it.
I took a cab to the hospital at 4:30 in the morning. I didn’t set an alarm so that if someone needed to get into the house for me the alarm wouldn’t be an issue. I arrived at the hospital and was seen shortly after 5 am. The triage nurse and the doctor suspected that the problem was with my appendix right away. I phoned in sick from the hospital. I waited for the CT scan to confirm the diagnosis.
It was 1:30 in the afternoon by the time I got the CT. The pain had gotten worse. The morphine wasn’t helping very much. When I got back from the CT I was in even more pain. I was getting sicker. My heart rate and blood pressure continued to increase. My urine had a lot of blood in it. The pain started to change and move. I started to cry. I remember whispering Jesus’ name over and over. I was alone and frightened. It was 4pm and I was beginning to think they weren’t going to help me.
When the nurse came back I had managed to compose myself. Yet as she took my vital signs I started to cry again. I was apologetic saying this wasn’t like me. I know now that perhaps it would be like anyone in my circumstance. The nurse was very kind to me. She asked if she could call someone. I gave her a phone number and even the prospect of her calling someone for me calmed me down.